Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
