Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
