Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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