Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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