my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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