wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
