She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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