She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
