Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
