I'm really into asian looking animals
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
