tonight lets celebrate not being married
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
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She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
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I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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