I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
