I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
