at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
