I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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