I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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