Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
