This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
