I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
