Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
