i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
