turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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