she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
