is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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