Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
