Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Enjoy the penises
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
