Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
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So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
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Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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