Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize