Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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