Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
