I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
