I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
