last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
