my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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