I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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