Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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