it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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