So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize