OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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