theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
