It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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