I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
