this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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