she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
