I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
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He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
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Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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