I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize