Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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