she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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