he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So vagazzling was a success
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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