She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
