Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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