were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
