And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
