I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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