I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
