FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize