is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
