i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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