I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
