Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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