YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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