Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my shit smells like andre
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
