hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
