Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
