apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
