I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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