she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
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Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
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There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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