Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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